She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
