i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
