I think i peed on brittanys purse
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
