3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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