i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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