IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
