never play flip cup with pint glasses
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
