The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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