I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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