oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
