I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
