I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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