called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
