omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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