I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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