too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
