ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
