All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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