Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
