either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
