i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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