she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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