He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
