i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Alive.
So much puke
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
