then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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