i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
