You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
