what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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