That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
