if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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