Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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