It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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