i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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