I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
