i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize