Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
