I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
