Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
