I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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