when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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