Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
