just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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