I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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