Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
