Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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