i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
