We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
