this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
