I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
