You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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