I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
