So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
