dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
