I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dude. I can hear the air.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
