Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
