I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
