You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
