Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't make out with my wife yet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wear drunk well.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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