So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
