just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
