just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
