I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
