we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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