At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
