remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
how does that bad decision feel?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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