Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just found puke in my bra..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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