he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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