sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
