i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
