kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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