I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize