After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
