I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
