I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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