in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just tell him i said nine months
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
