You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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